Train your children to face.struggle..

क्या भौतिक शिक्षा से जिंदगी सफल है ????

एक लड़का था. बहुत ब्रिलियंट था. सारी जिंदगी फर्स्ट आया. साइंस में हमेशा 100% स्कोर किया. अब ऐसे लड़के आम तौर पर इंजिनियर बनने चले जाते हैं, सो उसका भी सिलेक्शन हो गया IIT चेन्नई में. वहां से B Tech किया और वहां से आगे पढने अमेरिका चला गया. वहां से आगे की पढ़ाई पूरी की. M.Tech वगैरा कुछ किया होगा फिर उसने यूनिवर्सिटी ऑफ़ केलिफ़ोर्निआ से MBA किया.

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अब इतना पढने के बाद तो वहां अच्छी नौकरी मिल ही जाती है. सुनते हैं कि वहां भी हमेशा टॉप ही किया. वहीं नौकरी करने लगा. बताया जाता है कि 5 बेडरूम का घर था उसके पास. शादी यहाँ चेन्नई की ही एक बेहद खूबसूरत लड़की से हुई थी. बताते हैं कि ससुर साहब भी कोई बड़े आदमी ही थे, कई किलो सोना दिया उन्होंने अपनी लड़की को दहेज़ में.

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अब हमारे यहाँ आजकल के हिन्दुस्तान में इस से आदर्श जीवन की कल्पना नहीं की जा सकती. एक आदमी और क्या मांग सकता है अपने जीवन में? पढ़ लिख के इंजिनियर बन गए, अमेरिका में सेटल हो गए, मोटी तनख्वाह की नौकरी, बीवी बच्चे, सुख ही सुख, इसके बाद हीरो हेरोइने सुखपूर्वक वहां की साफ़ सुथरी सड़कों पर भ्रष्टाचार मुक्त माहौल में सुखपूर्वक विचरने लगे|

आप उस इंजिनियर लड़के का क्या फ्यूचर देखते हैं लाइफ में? सब बढ़िया ही दीखता है? पर नहीं, आज से तीन साल पहले उसने वहीं अमेरिका में, सपरिवार आत्महत्या कर ली. अपनी पत्नी और बच्चों को गोली मार कर खुद को भी गोली मार ली. What went wrong? आखिर ऐसा क्या हुआ, गड़बड़ कहाँ हुई.
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ये कदम उठाने से पहले उसने बाकायदा अपनी wife से discuss किया, फिर एक लम्बा suicide नोट लिखा और उसमें बाकायदा justify किया अपने इस कदम को और यहाँ तक लिखा कि यही सबसे श्रेष्ठ रास्ता था इन परिस्थितयों में. उनके इस केस को और उस suicide नोट को California Institute of Clinical Psychology ने study किया है. What went wrong?
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हुआ यूँ था कि अमेरिका की आर्थिक मंदी में उसकी नौकरी चली गयी. बहुत दिन खाली बैठे रहे. नौकरियां ढूंढते रहे. फिर अपनी तनख्वाह कम करते गए और फिर भी जब नौकरी न मिली, मकान की किश्त जब टूट गयी, तो सड़क पे आने की नौबत आ गयी. कुछ दिन किसी पेट्रोल पम्प पे तेल भरा बताते हैं. साल भर ये सब बर्दाश्त किया और फिर अंत में ख़ुदकुशी कर ली... ख़ुशी ख़ुशी और उसकी बीवी भी इसके लिए राज़ी हो गयी, ख़ुशी ख़ुशी. जी हाँ लिखा है उन्होंने कि हम सब लोग बहुत खुश हैं, कि अब सब कुछ ठीक हो जायेगा, सब कष्ट ख़तम हो जायेंगे.

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इस case study को ऐसे conclude किया है experts ने : *This man was programmed for success but he was not trained,how to handle failure.* *यह व्यक्ति सफलता के लिए तो तैयार था, पर इसे जीवन में ये नहीं सिखाया गया कि असफलता का सामना कैसे किया जाए.*

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आइये ज़रा उसके जीवन पर शुरू से नज़र डालते हैं. बहुत तेज़ था पढने में, हमेशा फर्स्ट ही आया. ऐसे बहुत से Parents को मैं जानता हूँ जो यही चाहते हैं कि बस उनका बच्चा हमेशा फर्स्ट ही आये, कोई गलती न हो उस से. गलती करना तो यूँ मानो कोई बहुत बड़ा पाप कर दिया और इसके लिए वो सब कुछ करते हैं, हमेशा फर्स्ट आने के लिए. फिर ऐसे बच्चे चूंकि पढ़ाकू कुछ ज्यादा होते हैं सो खेल कूद, घूमना फिरना, लड़ाई झगडा, मार पीट, ऐसे पंगों का मौका कम मिलता है बेचारों को,12 th कर के निकले तो इंजीनियरिंग कॉलेज का बोझ लद गया बेचारे पर, वहां से निकले तो MBA और अभी पढ़ ही रहे थे की मोटी तनख्वाह की नौकरी. अब मोटी तनख्वाह तो बड़ी जिम्मेवारी, यानी बड़े बड़े targets.

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*कमबख्त ये दुनिया  बड़ी कठोर है और ये ज़िदगी, अलग से इम्तहान लेती है*. आपकी कॉलेज की डिग्री और मार्कशीट से कोई मतलब नहीं उसे. वहां कितने नंबर लिए कोई फर्क नहीं पड़ता. ये ज़िदगी अपना अलग question paper सेट करती है. और सवाल सब out ऑफ़ syllabus होते हैं, टेढ़े मेढ़े, ऊट पटाँग और रोज़ इम्तहान लेती है. कोई डेट sheet नहीं.

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एक अंग्रेजी उपन्यास में एक किस्सा पढ़ा था. एक मेमना अपनी माँ से दूर निकल गया. आगे जा कर पहले तो भैंसों के झुण्ड से घिर गया. उनके पैरों तले कुचले जाने से बचा किसी तरह. अभी थोडा ही आगे बढ़ा था कि एक सियार उसकी तरफ झपटा. किसी तरह झाड़ियों में घुस के जान बचाई तो सामने से भेड़िये आते दिखे. बहुत देर वहीं झाड़ियों में दुबका रहा, किसी तरह माँ के पास वापस पहुंचा तो बोला, माँ, वहां तो बहुत खतरनाक जंगल है. Mom, there is a jungle out there.

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*इस खतरनाक जंगल में जिंदा बचे रहने की ट्रेनिंग अभी से अपने बच्चों को दीजिये*.।
साभार

Train your children to face struggle of life, which is not mentioned in school syllabus.

- anonymous

Who is you life partner? It's your body..

Who is your life partner ?

Mom / Dad
Husband /wife
Son / Daughter

Your real life partner
is Your "Body"

Once your body stops responding no one is with you.

You and your body
stay together from
Birth till Death.

What you do to your
body is your
responsibility and
that will come back
to You.

The more you care
for your body, the
more your body will
care for You.

What you eat,
What you do for being Fit,
How u deal with
stress
How much rest you
give to it..
Will decide how your body gonna respond.

Remember your
body is the only
permanent address
where You live.

Your body is your asset / liabilty, which no one else can share.

Your body is your
responsibility.
Because...
You are Your real
life partner.

Be Fit  forever

- Anonymous

Letter from God

प्रभू का पत्र

मेरे प्रिय...

सुबह तुम जैसे ही सो कर उठे,
मैं तुम्हारे बिस्तर के
पास ही खड़ा था।

मुझे लगा कि तुम
मुझसे कुछ बात
करोगे।

तुम कल या पिछले हफ्ते
हुई किसी
बात या घटना के लिये
मुझे धन्यवाद कहोगे।

लेकिन तुम फटाफट
चाय पी कर
तैयार होने चले गए
और मेरी तरफ देखा भी नहीं!!!

फिर मैंने सोचा कि तुम नहा के
मुझे याद करोगे।

पर तुम
इस उधेड़बुन में
लग गये कि
तुम्हे
आज कौन से कपड़े पहनने है!!!

फिर जब तुम जल्दी से
नाश्ता कर रहे थे
और
अपने ऑफिस के कागज़
इक्कठे करने के लिये
घर में
इधर से उधर दौड़ रहे थे...

तो भी मुझे लगा कि
शायद अब
तुम्हे मेरा ध्यान आयेगा,

लेकिन ऐसा नहीं हुआ।

फिर जब तुमने आफिस
जाने के
लिए ट्रेन पकड़ी
तो मैं
समझा कि
इस खाली समय का
उपयोग तुम मुझसे
बातचीत करने में करोगे

पर तुमने थोड़ी देर
पेपर पढ़ा और
फिर
खेलने लग गए

अपने
मोबाइल में और
मैं खड़ा का
खड़ा ही रह गया।

मैं तुम्हें बताना चाहता था
कि दिन का
कुछ हिस्सा मेरे साथ
बिता कर तो देखो,

तुम्हारे काम और भी
अच्छी तरह से होने लगेंगे,

लेकिन तुमनें मुझसे बात
ही नहीं की...

एक मौका ऐसा भी
आया जब तुम
बिलकुल खाली थे

और
कुर्सी पर पूरे
15 मिनट यूं ही बैठे रहे,
लेकिन

तब भी
तुम्हें मेरा ध्यान नहीं आया।

दोपहर के खाने के
वक्त जब

तुम इधर-
उधर देख रहे थे,
तो भी मुझे लगा कि
खाना खाने से पहले तुम
एक पल के लिये
मेरे बारे में सोचोंगे,

लेकिन ऐसा नहीं हुआ।

दिन का अब भी काफी
समय बचा था।

मुझे लगा कि
शायद इस बचे
समय में हमारी बात
हो जायेगी,

लेकिन घर पहुँचने के
बाद तुम
रोज़मर्रा के कामों में
व्यस्त हो गये।

जब वे काम निबट गये तो
तुमनें टीवी खोल
लिया और
घंटो टीवी देखते रहे।

देर रात थककर तुम
बिस्तर पर आ लेटे।

तुमनें अपनी पत्नी, बच्चों को
शुभरात्रि कहा

और
चुपचाप चादर
ओढ़कर सो गये।

मेरा बड़ा मन था कि मैं भी
तुम्हारी
दिनचर्या का हिस्सा बनूं...

तुम्हारे साथ कुछ वक्त बिताऊँ...

तुम्हारी कुछ सुनूं...

तुम्हे कुछ सुनाऊँ।

कुछ मार्गदर्शन करूँ
तुम्हारा ताकि
तुम्हें समझ आए

कि
तुम किसलिए इस धरती
पर आए हो
और किन कामों में उलझ गए हो,

लेकिन तुम्हें समय
ही नहीं मिला
और मैं
मन मार कर ही रह गया।

मैं तुमसे बहुत प्रेम करता हूँ।

हर रोज़ मैं इस बात का
इंतज़ार करता हूँ
कि तुम मेरा ध्यान करोगे
और
अपनी छोटी छोटी खुशियों के
लिए मेरा धन्यवाद
करोगे।

*पर तुम तब ही आते हो *
*जब तुम्हें कुछ चाहिए होता है। *

तुम जल्दी में आते हो
और
अपनी माँगें मेरे आगे रख के
चले जाते हो।

और
मजे की बात तो
ये है
कि इस प्रक्रिया में

तुम मेरी तरफ
देखते
भी नहीं।

ध्यान

तुम्हारा उस समय भी
लोगों की तरफ ही
लगा रहता है,

और मैं इंतज़ार
करता ही रह जाता हूँ।

खैर कोई बात नहीं...
हो सकता है
कल तुम्हें मेरी याद आ जाये!!!

ऐसा मुझे विश्वास है
और मुझे तुम
में आस्था है।

आखिरकार
मेरा दूसरा नाम...

आस्था और विश्वास ही तो है।

तुम्हारा ईश्वर...👣

- Anonymous

What is prayer ?

Do you Pray?

I loved this interpretation of Prayer. What is a prayer? Prayer doesn't only happen when we kneel or put our hands together and focus and expect things from God.

Thinking positive and wishing good for others is a prayer.

When you hug a friend. That's a prayer.
When you cook something to nourish family and friends. That's a prayer.
When we send off our near and dear ones and say, 'drive safely' or 'be safe'. That's a prayer.
When you are helping someone in need by giving your time and energy. You are praying.
When you forgive someone by your heart. That is prayer.

Prayer is a vibration. A feeling. A thought. Prayer is the voice of love, friendship, genuine relationships. Prayer is an expression of your silent being.
Keep praying always...
Stay Blessed

- anonymous

9 tips to develop your Presence of Mind

THE JZERO BLOG (article taken from)

Creating Wealth Through Learning

9 tips to develop your Presence of Mind

JULY 26, 2016 / TANVISHAH

An interview was going on. In the final round, the interviewer asked candidate to choose between two; 10 very simple questions or 1 really difficult question. Candidate promptly selected second option and went ahead with 1 really difficult question. Interviewer asked the question: what came first? The Hen or The Egg?

Candidate didn’t take a minute to think on it and gave the answer: Hen. Interviewer was surprised with his confidence and asked further, why?

Now candidate smiled and said, you cannot ask me another question as you agreed to ask only one difficult question.

No need to say that he successfully cleared the interview!

He could do it because he didn’t panic in that situation and could think calmly and take action accordingly.

This was nothing but his presence of mind!

So we can define presence of mind as having self-control in stressful situation along with the ability to think and act calmly.

Presence of mind is tool to deal with difficult situations. It is not like that you will get the solution quickly with this but it will help you to take correct decision, correct step.

Whether it is to work with your personal affairs or at your workplace, you need to be focused and calm. Lack of presence of mind can lead to serious problems.

Everyone is not lucky to have presence of mind as a natural skill (as we say it’s God’s gift!). Most have to cultivate the quality for presence of mind in them.

Here are some tips to develop the presence of mind.

Listen carefully:

Listen intently like this is the last time you are hearing it. Don’t just start judging by hearing a few words. When someone is talking to you, they are not just sharing their opinion but valuable information too. It is very essential for you to do something.

Observe:

Concentration and focus are key factors for presence of mind. Lack of focus and distracted mind leads to low presence of mind. If you know that you need to be able to replicate the action done by someone, you have to observe them carefully. Every time you cannot deal with the situation in same way.

Multitasking:

If you are not an expert at multitasking then its better that you avoid it and perform a single task at a time. Because it is possible that when you are engaged with one activity, you are thinking about another job also. Due to this, you do not pay enough attention to the task in hand and put that job at risk.

Priorities your tasks:

Start prioritizing your tasks if you are not doing so already. If you have something very urgent or important then try to complete it as soon as possible, as otherwise the thought of it will keep nagging you all the time while doing other tasks.

Switch between high and low attention tasks:

Switch to a low attention task for some time while doing the high attention task. For example, if you are working to create project plan for a large project, just switch to another job like housekeeping documents for 5-10 mins. Then switch back to task of creating project plan. It will give your brain rest and you will feel more energetic after it.

Take short breaks:

You can be master at focusing but you cannot continuously work for 8 hours. That definitely affects your power of concentration. You need to take short breaks in between. The  best way is to divide your jobs into small chunks of 1-2 hours and take 5 min break between 2 jobs.

Be comfortable:

Make sure that you are comfortable with your surrounding environment. If not then adjust it as per your comfort level or get adjusted to it. if you are not comfortable while doing something, you will later on try to find excuses for not being able to focus on important things.

Keep moving:

Best way to keep your mind still is to keep your body moving. You might have seen people who just keep walking here and there while reading something important or while preparing for exams. It’s just because it helps them focusing in what they are doing.

Emotional Balance:

Everyone has a personal life and hence personal problems. Sometimes these problems takes full control of our mind that we cannot think of anything else or cannot concentrate on important jobs. When personal problems start interfering into your professional life, it can be dangerous for you. You need to learn to keep your personal life separate from professional life.

This takes a bit of work and discipline on your part. You have to practice it daily, make it part of your life. Get habituated to it and one day you will master it!

नही की.....

लोग मेरी मुस्कान का राज पुछते हैं क्योंकि
मैंने कभी दर्द की नुमाइश नहीं की

जिंदगी से जो मिला कबूल किया
किसी चीज की फरमाइश नहीं की

मुश्किल है समझ पाना मुझे क्योंकि
जीने के अलग है अंदाज मेरे

जब जहां जो मिला अपना लिया
ना मिला उसकी ख्वाहिश नहीं की।

- Anonymous

How to Get Kids off the Screen & the Mobile

How  to Get Kids off the Screen & the Mobile
Do you ever struggle with getting your kids off the screen? Does it often end in tears (both theirs and yours)? Like so many other parents, I used to give my children warning.

“Five more minutes, then it’s dinner!” I’d yell from the kitchen.

This statement would either be ignored or grunted at.

Five minutes later, I’d march into the living room and turn the TV/tablet/gadget off, expecting them to silently accept and for us all to have a lovely, quiet dinner together.

What I got was screams, tantrums, cold dinner.

I realized something was wrong. Something was wrong in the way I was approaching the issue. My children aren’t naturally prone to tantrums, so I was thrown by this. I couldn’t work out what I could do to stop the sudden screaming at the end of every screen-time.

I wanted to find a way of gently disconnecting my children from the screen, of bringing them back into the real world without continual bumps and bruises along the way (because this happened almost every night), but I didn’t know how.

Then ,after a lot of research n all I found out a solution n was just waiting to try...

I Sarah Suterwala specializing in Child counselling had to find out a real hard core solution for this.

From that one day to the next, my world changed. I suddenly knew how to handle the end of screen-time without the screams, the tantrums, the cold dinner, or the grey hairs.

Here is the very simple method to end screen-time without the screams.

The science behind screen-time.

Have you ever had the electricity cut off just as the football game reached its most nerve-wracking stage?

Or your toddler pressed the “off” switch just as the final ball in the one ball one run cricket match?

It’s hard to come out of the state of pleasure, which is what screen-time creates in our brains. It’s hard for adults. For a child, it can be terrible. Literally.

Why?

When we human beings (not only children!) are absorbed in a film or playing a computer game, we are, mentally, in another world. Screens are hypnotic to our brains. The light, the sounds, the rhythm of the images puts the brain into a state of flow. We feel good, and don’t want to do anything else. We certainly don’t want the situation to change.

During these moments, our brains produce dopamine, a neurotransmitter which relieves stress-and pain. All is well – that is, until the screen is turned off. The dopamine levels in the body drop fast and without warning, which can, literally, create a sensation of pain in the body. This drop in hormones, this physical shock, is where children’s scream-time begins.

It doesn’t matter that we parents are quite clear that now is the end of screen-time. After all, we’d discussed and arranged it beforehand (”20 minutes!”), and/or given them warning (“5 more minutes!”). To us, it’s clear and fair enough, but to the child, it isn’t. When in front of a screen, she isn’t in a state to think that way or to take that information in. Her brain is awash with dopamine, remember? To turn the “off” switch on the television can, for the child, feel like a shock of physical pain. You’re not exactly slapping her in the face, but this is, neurologically speaking, how it might feel to her.

Cutting her off forcefully is hurtful. So instead of simply switching the “off” button, the trick is not to cut her off, but to instead enter her zone.

The trick: build a bridge

Whenever you decide that screen-time should come to an end, take a moment to sit down next to your child and enter his world. Watch TV with him, or sit with him while he plays his game massacring aliens on the screen. This doesn’t have to be long, half a minute is enough. Just share his experience. Then, ask him a question about it.

“What are you watching?” might work for some kids.

Others might need more specific questions. “So what level are you on now?” or “That’s a funny figure there in the background. Who’s he?”

Generally, children love it when their parents take an interest in their world. If they are too absorbed still and don’t engage, don’t give up. Just sit with them a moment longer, then ask another question.

Once the child starts answering your questions or tells you something she has seen or done on screen, it means that she is coming out of the “cut-off” zone and back into the real world. She’s coming out of the state of flow and back into a zone where she is aware of your existence – but slowly. The dopamine doesn’t drop abruptly, because you’ve built a bridge – a bridge between where she is and where you are. You can start to communicate, and this is where the magic happens.

You can choose to start discussing with your child that it’s time to eat, to go have his bath, or simply that screen-time is over now. Because of the minute of easing-in, your child will be in a space where he can listen and react to your request. He might even have been smoothed back into the real world gently enough, and is so happy about the parental attention that he wants turn off the TV/tablet/computer himself. (I’ve experienced my children do this, hand to heart.)

To me, simply the awareness of what’s going on in my children’s minds helps me handle end-of-screen-time much better than before.

It isn’t always as smooth as I want it to be, but we haven’t had a scream-time incident since I discovered this little trick.

Don’t take my word for it, go and try it yourself

Next time your child is sitting in front of a screen, and you want to end it, try this:

1. Sit with her for 30 seconds, a minute, or longer, and simply watch whatever she is watching/doing.

2. Ask an innocent question about what’s happening on screen. Most children love their parent’s attention, and will provide answers.

3. Once you’ve created a dialogue, you’ve created a bridge – a bridge that will allow your child to, in his mind and body, step from screen back into the real world, without hormones in free-fall, and therefore without crisis.

Just give it a try...
May be it could work wonders for you too...

Enjoy the rest of your day together.

Embrace your shadow

Embrace your shadow.

There's a flip side of this self-care coin too. You also need to acknowledge that your "mean brain"—the one whispering those abusive things all the time—is a part of you, too, and you can't just wish her away. When you try to ignore these parts of yourself, they only yell louder to try to get your attention.

So if you want to release the old stories you tell yourself, really let go of the ways you hold yourself back, you have to truly embrace the part of yourself that’s doing all the yelling. Think of her like she’s just a super scared little kid, too.

-Anonymous

Inspiring story of Abraham Lincoln

Are you hurt? Bad Day at work? Read this

On his first day in office as president,
When Abraham Lincoln entered to give his Inaugural speech,

One man stood up and said,
"Mr. Lincoln, you should not forget that your father used to make shoes for my family"

And the whole senate laughed, They thought they had made a fool of Lincoln.

Lincoln looked at the man directly in the eye and said,
“Sir, I know that my father used to make shoes for your family, and there will be many others here. Because he made shoes the way nobody else can, he was a creator. His shoes were not just shoes; he poured his whole soul into them. I want to ask you, have you any complaint? Because I know how to make shoes myself. If you have any complaint I can make you another pair of shoes. But as far as I know, nobody has ever complained about my father’s shoes. He was a genius, a great creator and I am proud of my father”.

The whole Senate was struck dumb. They could not understand what kind of man Abraham Lincoln was. He was proud because his father did his job so well that not even a single complaint had ever been heard.

Remember:
“No one can hurt you without your consent.”

“It is not what happens to us that hurts us. It is our response that hurts us. Be excellent at your work

Parenting- loving our children in a real way

Loving our children in a real way:

Loving my daughter comes so easily when
she wins a competition,
gets high marks,
listens to me,
keeps her room clean,
finishes her food,
pays attention while studying,
sleeps on time,
Never raises her voice and
practices dance/singing/drawing without me reminding her.

That's the  easy way to love....

However when I look back at my childhood I realize that the moments I really wanted love badly were when
I scored less marks,
failed in a competition,
couldn't fall asleep,
Didn't feel like studying,
Wanted to laze around,
Didn't finish the Tiffin,
Didn't complete homework,
Forgot an important assignment,
Fought with a friend,
Had a heartbreak,
Committed a mistake,
Felt guilty,
Felt lonely....

These were the moments when I needed my parents the most, I needed their assurance that it is okay to be human, to fall, to get hurt and what I wanted to listen in those moments was, "i know it hurts, but I'm here with you. Maybe we can't do anything about what happened, but I'm here with you. And I love you for what you are, always."

This is real and  unconditional way to love!
Yes I wanted to hear, "I love you" loud and clear....it was the only thing that could heal my heart. Love!

It's the moments when we lose control of ourselves that we want someone to hold us, isn't it? You don't need to be perfect....just be real!

Do you chose love the easy way or the real, unconditional way?

Today no matter what your child does, choose Love and see how it heals you as a parent.

Parenting thoughts by Thirukkural

All parents must read this******
*Tirukkural  by Tiruvalluvar (a Tamil  poet/writer) was written more than 5,000 yrs ago. It’s one of the ancient science on Human Behaviour, which has not changed in spite of modern education  & technology!*

*SOME GOLDEN THOUGHTS OF THIRUKKURAL:*

1. *If your child lies to you often, it is because you over-react too harshly to their inappropriate behaviour.*

2. *If your child is not taught to confide in you about their mistakes, you’ve lost them.*

3. *If your child had poor self-esteem, it is because you advice them more than you encourage them.*

4. *If your child does not stand up for themselves, it is because from a young age you have disciplined them regularly in public.*

5. *If your child takes things that do not belong to them, it is because when you buy them things, you don’t let them chose what they want.*

6. *If your child is cowardly, it is because you help them too quickly.*

7. *If your child does not respect other people’s feelings, it is because instead of speaking to your child, you order & command them.*
 
8. *If your child is too quick to anger, it is because you give too much attention to misbehaviour & you give little attention to good behaviour.*

9. *If your child is excessively jealous, it is because you only congratulate them when they successfully complete something & not when they improve at something even if they don’t successfully complete it*

10. *If your child intentionally disturbs you, it is because you are not physically affectionate enough.*

11. *If your child is openly defiant, it is because you openly threaten to do something but don’t follow through.*

12. *If your child is secretive, it is because they don’t trust that you won’t blow things out of proportion.*

13. *If your child talks back to you, it is because they watch you do it to others & think its normal behaviour.*

14. *If your child doesn’t listen to you but listens to others, it is because you are too quick to jump to conclusions*

15. *If your child rebels it is because they know you care more about what others think than what is right*

*Pls fwd this to Parents who care to read this!*
*IT MAY GUIDE OUR MODERN  PARENTING!*
*Positive Parenting!*

Stop Judging without knowledge...

An interesting read..
A girl by name Fatima went to school in the neighbouring village where she wasn't known well.
For three weeks, she came to school late and every time the teacher punished her.
On the fourth week, Fatima didn't attend school at all and many thought she had GIVEN UP on school due to the everyday punishment.
However, Fatima reported again on fifth week and this time she came earlier than everybody.
When the teacher came to class, Fatima was punished for not attending school the previous week but the teacher was also kind enough to commend her for coming early that day, stating that the punishments had finally yielded some results.
Just then, Fatima asked if she could say something and the teacher gave her permission.
She started:
*I've been raised up by a single mother without a brother or a sister. Five weeks ago, my mother fell ill and was hospitalized.
The three weeks I came late, I had to prepare something for her every morning and pass by the hospital to deliver the same.
Unfortunately, mother passed away last week and that's the reason I didn't come to school. We buried her last Friday."_*
*_"Today I came early since I didn't have to prepare anything or even pass by the hospital. And now that she is gone, I will always be here early''_*
As she sat down, no one in the whole class was able to hold their tears, the teacher was not spared either.
*Lesson:*
How many times do we judge others for things we know not..? We ask questions like;
- When will you get married
- When will you have kids?
- When will you find a job?
Etc.
Do we attempt to understand their situations or we just judge from the 'case scenarios' Some situations are not relative and what we think could be very far from the truth. Don't assume you know what others go through or that people move in the same pace or direction as you.. life is far from that..
* just be kind enough to love one another as God Has commanded, take time and kindly find out why your friend is not phoning, why your messages are not being replied promptly, why they are not coming to congressional prayers, why someone is missing in our midst as a colleague, friend, brother or sister even why someone is always late*
Be kind, always..

I won

"Unfamiliar voice" - a short story

After a long time, the wait is over

Yes, yes, he is here to talk with you... Her heart says.

She felt a lot of emotion in that single moment. She wants to cry,  she wants to get happy, she wants to dance. She feel like, she become alive again.

And the moment comes. She feels like, Is it really true, is she is listening his voice??
For a moment their is a silence. Than she listens his voice and her heart skips a beat.

Though she is little confused as the "tone is the same" but the voice is "unfamiliar". "Its same like the way, "He is unfamiliar with her emotions, which she has gone through, in her lonely moments."

With so many emotions and a shiver in her voice, she tries alot to handle herself.
She cant able to speak but she is desperate to listen, to the one she is craving for.

She wants to fight with him, she wants to cry while hugging him. She wants to ask so many questions with him which she guess, she will never going to ask with him.

The feeling of consciousness took over her. She try to speak but its like, she forgot all the vocabulary she had learned from her childhood .
She dont understand why this madness is their in her. Though, she has already prepared herself to be calm & quiet while talking with him, but all fails.

Is this is what we call, the excitement?? Or the madness?? Or to care for someone?? Her subconscious mind is thinking that.

Now, she tries to catch the rhythm and spoke. She is talking on all the stupid stuff, that really makes her feel like a teenager, who can do anything to stop the one she really care.

With lots of mixed emotions & questions, their comes the end of her unforgettable conversation. She dont know, will she ever be able to listen his "unfamiliar" voice again. But still she is happy.

Once again she left everything on her "destiny" and moved with the flow.

Written by
-dilwaalikudi

Feel free to mail me at
Journeyoffeelings@gmail.com

Like my insta page- journeyoffeelings_dilwaalikudi

Parenting..

Little Aditya, was in tears. He is an 8 year old boy. His Mom was shouting at him, as he has not completed his math homework, even after an hour. Aditya's parents are Ruchi, and Rishi. Both are working in MNC's. Ruchi took a career break of 5 years, to take care of Aditya. Now, she had joined her office again from a junior level, whereas all her friends have moved to the senior level. When Rishi, entered the home, Aditya was in tears, Ruchi was shouting at him. “What is 8 * 6, Adi, come on, I taught you tables twice yesterday, still you are unable to remember. What am I supposed to do? You remember all cartoon stories, but not one simple tables”.

Aditya tried to remember a lot, he couldn't remember anything, and he thought it may be 48, but he was scared to tell his mom, what if it is wrong, she will get upset. He thought to himself, “Mom, I will Improve”. He didn’t know how. He wanted to, he wanted to see his mother happy.

When, he was in the younger classes, He used to win, many prizes in different competitions. He and his mother were very happy. As he grew up, suddenly he felt he was pushed in a complex world, he couldn't grasp many things, and his fellow students could do. He went to meet doctors and counselors, his mother thought he was sick. He was not sure whether he was sick or not. May be he has a poor memory like his mom and teachers say. He was not able to make a decision. Tonight, his father has come early from the office. He was happy. He will rescue him.

Soon as his father, freshened up, he gave a hug to Aditya. To Aadi’s relief, he said with a huge smile, “Go and play”. He was happy, but he looked at his mother with wide eyes, and said slowly,” Dad, I didn’t complete my homework!” His father, replied, “I will do it, don’t worry.” Aadi, again gave a bear hug and ran outside to play with his friends. Ruchi was upset. She retorted angrily,”Will you go and write his exams too?”

After Aditya left, Rishi, hugged Ruchi, “Why are you so tensed dear. He will pick up, don't worry”. Ruchi was upset,” Do you think you love him more than, me, what is the point you want to prove? You never attend the Parent Teachers Meeting, I have to listen from teachers, and I need to face the other parents. You just don't need to face anything”.

Rishi kept quiet, “Ruchi, do you think, by shouting at him, things would improve. You thought, he may have some learning disabilities, but the psychologist proved there is nothing like that. All children are not same”.Ruchi replied back, “But I am spending so much time with him. I am always teaching him, each and everything, still what do you expect me to do?”

Rishi, smiled and said,” I expect you, not to expect anything from him. Don’t expect him to learn things faster, don’t expect him to be like you.” Ruchi retorted back angrily,” I am not expecting him to get first prize in everything like me, but at least he shouldn’t be so dull. Now he is 3 rd std and he is not sure about 5*5=25, how his life will be. All his friends, will reach a good position in life, what his life will become? I am so scared. Rishi, I put in so much hardwork on him, still why he is not getting marks?”

Rishi kept quiet. Ruchi, always wanted the best. She was always best in whatever she did, the fact she didn't understand is Aadi is the best child. He is very friendly with everyone, always tries to help others.He was hoping, Ruchi will find her answer soon.

After few days,his paternal aunt, Durga Bua, came to visit them. Her son has settled in US. She occasionally visits India,to visit her relatives. After many years, she has come to visit them. Ruchi loves Durga Bua, everyone loves her for her soft words and naïve nature. She was playing with Aadi and commented to Ruchi, “Aadi is a very good boy”. For which Ruchi, replied in a dull voice.” Hmmmm”.she sensed something wrong, but didn’t ask anything.

After Aadi left, she asked, “what happened Ruchi?”. Ruchi shared her worries with her aunt. She listened everything carefully. She went to the small garden which Ruchi maintains in her balcony, and said,” I observe you have a beautiful garden. How do you maintain them? Ruchi replied happily,” I take personal care,bua”. Her aunt said, “Why is this aloe Vera plant, shorter than others, is it a new plant, or you are not watering them properly?” Ruchi whispered, “No, aunt, I have planted it a year back. I take care of them properly, few plants grow faster and few takes time”.

Then, aunt asked, “What do you do then? Do you tell the shorter plant, daily, grow up, look at the other plants, otherwise your life would be of no use or you nurture them slowly that it takes time in growing and you still love them”.

Ruchi felt something snap in her. She looked at her aunt, with tears in her eyes.

Durga Bua, said,” There are 7 types of learning skills for a child, few learn by looking, few by hearing, few by explaining, few understand things by doing activities, and few learn by practically doing the same things again and again. A mother or teacher should try to teach a child, all the 7 methods, and then understand the child’s best learning language and teach accordingly. You can’t think. Your child is dull. Each and every child is unique and special. Can’t you see Aadi is trying everything to make you happy? He loves you so much. If you nurture him now, it is good for both of you. If he accepts, he is dull and turns to be a loser, what will you do?”

Ruchi shuddered by the thought,” Understand your child and help him to understand things. I know you are very busy and Rishi doesn’t help you. Still I am sure, once you are clear and support, Aadi, Rishi will try his level best to help you. Just try. It is always too soon to quit with your child.”

Ruchi kept quiet, deep in her thoughts. Durga bua knew, she will find a different family, when she visits them again.

Taken from some social website

Feel free to mail me at journeyoffeelings@gmail.com

Parent induced wastefulness

*PIW*
*Parent Induced Wastefulness*
_*(Don't) take it easy!*_

When parents strive to give their children the best of everything at an early age, they are sowing seeds for materially insatiable monsters that are prone to sloth, apathy, avarice and fear.

Don’t stand in self- defense as yet. I have proof.
As I sit in my counselor’s chair day after day I encounter an altogether a new disorder that I have come to label as- *Parent Induced Wastefulness* (PIW).

Here are a few examples:

* 26-year-old Manas does not want to finish his Engineering degree because he does not ‘feel like’ studying.
But he harasses his parents every day for money.
He tells me that whenever he did not feel like doing any particular activity, his parents told him he can quit.
They always said they did not want him to get ‘stressed’ like they were when growing up.

* 34-year-old Raghav is a qualified Engineer and is married for 2 years but his wife is not ready to live with him hence the counseling.
He is qualified alright but refuses to stick to any job as it makes him feel stressed!
Every two months he runs back home from work and wants his parents to solve his problem like they did every time he refused to go to school.

* 28 years old Anjali does not want to go back to her one-year-old marriage because it is too much for her to work in the office and then look after the household.
She wants her mother to come and live with her and do the household work.

There are many others...
but all originating in overzealous parents wanting to protect their children from even the smallest discomfort in childhood.
You love them alright, but when you shield them from the adversities of life, what you are doing is bringing them up in a sterile environment.
The result: the moment they are exposed to the world their immunity buckles up and they stand threadbare wanting to run away from everything that is anything but comfortable.

They have to live in this very world and away from you.
Do you really love them?
Or do you love yourself more?
If it is them, then you would ensure to make them future ready- let them face, talk to them, provide support, but let them face housework, studies, bullying and adversities.
Tell them money is limited and let them learn to hear a lot of ‘NO’.
That’s what makes them 'FUTURE READY'.

Spiritual Counselor

Things Child need to learn at an early ahe

Here is a list of things you need to teach your Child(ren) at early age:

1: Warn your Girl Child Never to sit on anyone's laps no matter the situation including uncles.

2: Avoid Getting Dressed in front of your child once he/she is 2 years old. Learn to excuse them or yourself.

3. Never allow any adult refer to your child as 'my wife' or 'my husband'

4. Whenever your child goes out to play with friends make sure you look for a way to find out what kind of play they do, because young people now sexually abuse themselves.

5. Never force your child to visit any adult he or she is not comfortable with and also be observant if your child becomes too fond of a particular adult.

6. Once a very lively child suddenly becomes withdrawn you may need to patiently ask lots of questions from your child.

7. Carefully educate your grown ups about the right values of sex . If you don't, the society will teach them the wrong values.

8: It is always advisable you go through any new Material like cartoons you just bought for them before they start seeing it themselves.

9. Ensure you activate parental controls on your cable networks and advice your friends especially those your child(ren) visit(s) often.

10. Teach your 3 year olds how to wash their private parts properly and warn them never to allow anyone touch those areas and that
includes you (remember, charity begins from home and with you).

11: Blacklist some materials/associates you think could threaten the sanity of your child (this includes music, movies and even friends and families).

12. Let your child(ren) understand the value of standing out of the
crowd.

13: Once your child complains about a particular person, don't keep quiet about it.

Take up the case and show them you can defend them.

Remember, we are either parents or parents-to-be.
and remember "THE PAIN LASTS A LIFETIME"

Kaun tuje yu pyar karega... <3

Tu aata hai seene mein
Jab jab saansein bharti hoon
Teri dil ki galiyon se
Main har roz guzarti hoon

Hawa ke jaise chalta hai tu
Main ret jaisi udti hoon
Kaun tujhe yun pyaar karega
Jaise main karti hoon

Meri nazar ka safar
Tujh pe hi aake ruke
Kehne ko baaki hai kya
Kehna tha jo keh chuki

meri nigahein hain teri nigahon ki
tujhe khabar kya be-khabar

Main tujhse hi chhup chhup kar
Teri aankhein padhti hoon
Kaun tujhe yun pyaar karega
Jaise main karti hoon

Tu jo mujhe aa mila
Sapne huye sirphire
Haathon mein aate nahin
Udte hain lamhe mere

Meri hansi tujhse
Meri khushi tujhse
Tujhe khabar kya beqadar

Jis din tujhko na dekhun
Pagal pagal phirti hoon
Kaun tujhe yoon pyaar karega
Jaise main karti hoon

English translation--

You come in my heart
Whenever I inhale
I pass through the lanes of your heart every day

You move like the wind,
I fly like sand
who'd ever love you,
like I do..

The journey of my sight
stops at you only.
Is there anything more to say,
Everything that had to be said is said

My eyes belong to your eyes,
what do you know, O unaware one.

Hidden from you, I secretly read your eyes,
who'd ever love you,
like I do..

when you came and met me,
my dreams went crazy.
I'm not able to hold them in my hands,
my moments now fly..

My laughter is because of you
My happiness is because of you
You are unaware, O careless one.

The day I don’t see you,
I roam like mad
who'd ever love you,
like I do..

Movie: MS Dhoni The Untold Story
Music: Amaal Mallik
Lyrics: Manoj Muntashir
Singer: Palak Muchhal
Music Label: T-Series

Never try 2 find urself in sm1's heart

Agar, aap kisi ke dil mein khud ko dhoondhane ki koshish karte hain,
Iska matalab hai ki aap vahaan kabhi maujood they hi nahi.

Veeparitata se,

Agar, aap apane dil mein kisi ko dhoondhane ki koshish karte hain,
Iska matalab hai ki vah vahaan kabhi maujood tha hi nahi

In english..

If, You try to find yourself in someone's heart, it means that you were never present there.

Vice versa

If you try to find someone in your heart,
It means that he was never present there.

- by me

Letter from husband

His Wife Left Him And Their Son After A Fight. Two Days Later, He Posts This Shocking Letter
No matter how much you love your spouse, arguing with them is pretty much inevitable — especially when you have kids.

When you both work hard to do what’s best for your family, the stress and frustration may become too much to bear.

So when this wife felt unappreciated by her husband, she got tired of fighting with him. She tearfully left him alone with the children without any sign that she’d come back. Just two days later, though, her husband decided to write her a letter about his feelings, and you need to see what it says.

“My darling,

Two nights ago, we had a huge argument. I was exhausted when I got home from work. It was 8:00 p.m and all I wanted to do was to lie down and watch the game.

You weren’t in a good mood, and you were clearly tired after having a long day. You were trying to put the baby to sleep as the other kids were fighting, and all I did was turn the volume up.

“Would it kill you to play a more active role in your children’s upbringing?” you asked, turning the television volume back down. “You can help out more around the house, too.”

“Hey,” I said defensively. “I work hard all day just so you could play in the doll’s house all day.” The argument just kept going like that. I said terrible things to you that I can never take back, and you screamed, saying that you were sick of it all. So you tearfully ran out of the house, leaving me to take care of the children on my own.

I was forced to feed the kids and put them to bed all by myself. When you didn’t come back the next day, I was forced to ask my boss if I could take a day off so I could take care of the children.

I experienced the crying and the tantrums. I experienced having to run around so much all day that I didn’t even have a chance to shower.

I experienced being forced to heat the milk, getting the kids dressed, and cleaning the kitchen all at once. I experienced being cooped up all day without speaking to an adult. I experienced the inability to sit calmly at the table to have a relaxed meal whenever I wanted, because I had to run after the kids.

I experienced feeling so physically and emotionally drained that I just wanted to sleep for 20 hours straight, but had to get up a few hours after falling asleep because the baby was crying. I lived two days and two nights the way that you do, and I think I get it now.

I get your exhaustion. I get that being a mother is all about sacrifice. I get that it is more tiring than being among corporate bigwigs for 10 hours and making economic decisions.

I get how frustrated you must be to have to sacrifice your job and financial freedom so that you can provide for your children. I get how uncertain you are about the fact that your economic security now depends on your partner and not just you. I get how hard it is to not be able to hang out with your friends, exercise, or get a good night’s sleep.

I get how challenging it is, being locked up and being forced to to watch the children while imagining what you must be missing in the outside world. I also get that you become upset when my mother criticizes how you choose to raise our children, because nobody in the world knows what is best for children like their own mother.

I get that being a mother means carrying society’s greatest burdens. Being the person that nobody appreciates, values, or remembers. I write you this letter not just to tell you that you are missed, but additionally because I don’t want to go another day without telling you: “You are strong, doing an excellent job, and I admire you.”

I did not expect that ending. It looks like he learned his lesson the hard way!

Taken from-
www.awesomequotes4u.com