लोग मेरी मुस्कान का राज पुछते हैं क्योंकि
मैंने कभी दर्द की नुमाइश नहीं की
जिंदगी से जो मिला कबूल किया
किसी चीज की फरमाइश नहीं की
मुश्किल है समझ पाना मुझे क्योंकि
जीने के अलग है अंदाज मेरे
जब जहां जो मिला अपना लिया
ना मिला उसकी ख्वाहिश नहीं की।
- Anonymous
How to Get Kids off the Screen & the Mobile
Do you ever struggle with getting your kids off the screen? Does it often end in tears (both theirs and yours)? Like so many other parents, I used to give my children warning.
“Five more minutes, then it’s dinner!” I’d yell from the kitchen.
This statement would either be ignored or grunted at.
Five minutes later, I’d march into the living room and turn the TV/tablet/gadget off, expecting them to silently accept and for us all to have a lovely, quiet dinner together.
What I got was screams, tantrums, cold dinner.
I realized something was wrong. Something was wrong in the way I was approaching the issue. My children aren’t naturally prone to tantrums, so I was thrown by this. I couldn’t work out what I could do to stop the sudden screaming at the end of every screen-time.
I wanted to find a way of gently disconnecting my children from the screen, of bringing them back into the real world without continual bumps and bruises along the way (because this happened almost every night), but I didn’t know how.
Then ,after a lot of research n all I found out a solution n was just waiting to try...
I Sarah Suterwala specializing in Child counselling had to find out a real hard core solution for this.
From that one day to the next, my world changed. I suddenly knew how to handle the end of screen-time without the screams, the tantrums, the cold dinner, or the grey hairs.
Here is the very simple method to end screen-time without the screams.
The science behind screen-time.
Have you ever had the electricity cut off just as the football game reached its most nerve-wracking stage?
Or your toddler pressed the “off” switch just as the final ball in the one ball one run cricket match?
It’s hard to come out of the state of pleasure, which is what screen-time creates in our brains. It’s hard for adults. For a child, it can be terrible. Literally.
Why?
When we human beings (not only children!) are absorbed in a film or playing a computer game, we are, mentally, in another world. Screens are hypnotic to our brains. The light, the sounds, the rhythm of the images puts the brain into a state of flow. We feel good, and don’t want to do anything else. We certainly don’t want the situation to change.
During these moments, our brains produce dopamine, a neurotransmitter which relieves stress-and pain. All is well – that is, until the screen is turned off. The dopamine levels in the body drop fast and without warning, which can, literally, create a sensation of pain in the body. This drop in hormones, this physical shock, is where children’s scream-time begins.
It doesn’t matter that we parents are quite clear that now is the end of screen-time. After all, we’d discussed and arranged it beforehand (”20 minutes!”), and/or given them warning (“5 more minutes!”). To us, it’s clear and fair enough, but to the child, it isn’t. When in front of a screen, she isn’t in a state to think that way or to take that information in. Her brain is awash with dopamine, remember? To turn the “off” switch on the television can, for the child, feel like a shock of physical pain. You’re not exactly slapping her in the face, but this is, neurologically speaking, how it might feel to her.
Cutting her off forcefully is hurtful. So instead of simply switching the “off” button, the trick is not to cut her off, but to instead enter her zone.
The trick: build a bridge
Whenever you decide that screen-time should come to an end, take a moment to sit down next to your child and enter his world. Watch TV with him, or sit with him while he plays his game massacring aliens on the screen. This doesn’t have to be long, half a minute is enough. Just share his experience. Then, ask him a question about it.
“What are you watching?” might work for some kids.
Others might need more specific questions. “So what level are you on now?” or “That’s a funny figure there in the background. Who’s he?”
Generally, children love it when their parents take an interest in their world. If they are too absorbed still and don’t engage, don’t give up. Just sit with them a moment longer, then ask another question.
Once the child starts answering your questions or tells you something she has seen or done on screen, it means that she is coming out of the “cut-off” zone and back into the real world. She’s coming out of the state of flow and back into a zone where she is aware of your existence – but slowly. The dopamine doesn’t drop abruptly, because you’ve built a bridge – a bridge between where she is and where you are. You can start to communicate, and this is where the magic happens.
You can choose to start discussing with your child that it’s time to eat, to go have his bath, or simply that screen-time is over now. Because of the minute of easing-in, your child will be in a space where he can listen and react to your request. He might even have been smoothed back into the real world gently enough, and is so happy about the parental attention that he wants turn off the TV/tablet/computer himself. (I’ve experienced my children do this, hand to heart.)
To me, simply the awareness of what’s going on in my children’s minds helps me handle end-of-screen-time much better than before.
It isn’t always as smooth as I want it to be, but we haven’t had a scream-time incident since I discovered this little trick.
Don’t take my word for it, go and try it yourself
Next time your child is sitting in front of a screen, and you want to end it, try this:
1. Sit with her for 30 seconds, a minute, or longer, and simply watch whatever she is watching/doing.
2. Ask an innocent question about what’s happening on screen. Most children love their parent’s attention, and will provide answers.
3. Once you’ve created a dialogue, you’ve created a bridge – a bridge that will allow your child to, in his mind and body, step from screen back into the real world, without hormones in free-fall, and therefore without crisis.
Just give it a try...
May be it could work wonders for you too...
Enjoy the rest of your day together.
Embrace your shadow.
There's a flip side of this self-care coin too. You also need to acknowledge that your "mean brain"—the one whispering those abusive things all the time—is a part of you, too, and you can't just wish her away. When you try to ignore these parts of yourself, they only yell louder to try to get your attention.
So if you want to release the old stories you tell yourself, really let go of the ways you hold yourself back, you have to truly embrace the part of yourself that’s doing all the yelling. Think of her like she’s just a super scared little kid, too.
-Anonymous
Are you hurt? Bad Day at work? Read this
On his first day in office as president,
When Abraham Lincoln entered to give his Inaugural speech,
One man stood up and said,
"Mr. Lincoln, you should not forget that your father used to make shoes for my family"
And the whole senate laughed, They thought they had made a fool of Lincoln.
Lincoln looked at the man directly in the eye and said,
“Sir, I know that my father used to make shoes for your family, and there will be many others here. Because he made shoes the way nobody else can, he was a creator. His shoes were not just shoes; he poured his whole soul into them. I want to ask you, have you any complaint? Because I know how to make shoes myself. If you have any complaint I can make you another pair of shoes. But as far as I know, nobody has ever complained about my father’s shoes. He was a genius, a great creator and I am proud of my father”.
The whole Senate was struck dumb. They could not understand what kind of man Abraham Lincoln was. He was proud because his father did his job so well that not even a single complaint had ever been heard.
Remember:
“No one can hurt you without your consent.”
“It is not what happens to us that hurts us. It is our response that hurts us. Be excellent at your work
Loving our children in a real way:
Loving my daughter comes so easily when
she wins a competition,
gets high marks,
listens to me,
keeps her room clean,
finishes her food,
pays attention while studying,
sleeps on time,
Never raises her voice and
practices dance/singing/drawing without me reminding her.
That's the easy way to love....
However when I look back at my childhood I realize that the moments I really wanted love badly were when
I scored less marks,
failed in a competition,
couldn't fall asleep,
Didn't feel like studying,
Wanted to laze around,
Didn't finish the Tiffin,
Didn't complete homework,
Forgot an important assignment,
Fought with a friend,
Had a heartbreak,
Committed a mistake,
Felt guilty,
Felt lonely....
These were the moments when I needed my parents the most, I needed their assurance that it is okay to be human, to fall, to get hurt and what I wanted to listen in those moments was, "i know it hurts, but I'm here with you. Maybe we can't do anything about what happened, but I'm here with you. And I love you for what you are, always."
This is real and unconditional way to love!
Yes I wanted to hear, "I love you" loud and clear....it was the only thing that could heal my heart. Love!
It's the moments when we lose control of ourselves that we want someone to hold us, isn't it? You don't need to be perfect....just be real!
Do you chose love the easy way or the real, unconditional way?
Today no matter what your child does, choose Love and see how it heals you as a parent.
All parents must read this******
*Tirukkural by Tiruvalluvar (a Tamil poet/writer) was written more than 5,000 yrs ago. It’s one of the ancient science on Human Behaviour, which has not changed in spite of modern education & technology!*
*SOME GOLDEN THOUGHTS OF THIRUKKURAL:*
1. *If your child lies to you often, it is because you over-react too harshly to their inappropriate behaviour.*
2. *If your child is not taught to confide in you about their mistakes, you’ve lost them.*
3. *If your child had poor self-esteem, it is because you advice them more than you encourage them.*
4. *If your child does not stand up for themselves, it is because from a young age you have disciplined them regularly in public.*
5. *If your child takes things that do not belong to them, it is because when you buy them things, you don’t let them chose what they want.*
6. *If your child is cowardly, it is because you help them too quickly.*
7. *If your child does not respect other people’s feelings, it is because instead of speaking to your child, you order & command them.*
8. *If your child is too quick to anger, it is because you give too much attention to misbehaviour & you give little attention to good behaviour.*
9. *If your child is excessively jealous, it is because you only congratulate them when they successfully complete something & not when they improve at something even if they don’t successfully complete it*
10. *If your child intentionally disturbs you, it is because you are not physically affectionate enough.*
11. *If your child is openly defiant, it is because you openly threaten to do something but don’t follow through.*
12. *If your child is secretive, it is because they don’t trust that you won’t blow things out of proportion.*
13. *If your child talks back to you, it is because they watch you do it to others & think its normal behaviour.*
14. *If your child doesn’t listen to you but listens to others, it is because you are too quick to jump to conclusions*
15. *If your child rebels it is because they know you care more about what others think than what is right*
*Pls fwd this to Parents who care to read this!*
*IT MAY GUIDE OUR MODERN PARENTING!*
*Positive Parenting!*
An interesting read..
A girl by name Fatima went to school in the neighbouring village where she wasn't known well.
For three weeks, she came to school late and every time the teacher punished her.
On the fourth week, Fatima didn't attend school at all and many thought she had GIVEN UP on school due to the everyday punishment.
However, Fatima reported again on fifth week and this time she came earlier than everybody.
When the teacher came to class, Fatima was punished for not attending school the previous week but the teacher was also kind enough to commend her for coming early that day, stating that the punishments had finally yielded some results.
Just then, Fatima asked if she could say something and the teacher gave her permission.
She started:
*I've been raised up by a single mother without a brother or a sister. Five weeks ago, my mother fell ill and was hospitalized.
The three weeks I came late, I had to prepare something for her every morning and pass by the hospital to deliver the same.
Unfortunately, mother passed away last week and that's the reason I didn't come to school. We buried her last Friday."_*
*_"Today I came early since I didn't have to prepare anything or even pass by the hospital. And now that she is gone, I will always be here early''_*
As she sat down, no one in the whole class was able to hold their tears, the teacher was not spared either.
*Lesson:*
How many times do we judge others for things we know not..? We ask questions like;
- When will you get married
- When will you have kids?
- When will you find a job?
Etc.
Do we attempt to understand their situations or we just judge from the 'case scenarios' Some situations are not relative and what we think could be very far from the truth. Don't assume you know what others go through or that people move in the same pace or direction as you.. life is far from that..
* just be kind enough to love one another as God Has commanded, take time and kindly find out why your friend is not phoning, why your messages are not being replied promptly, why they are not coming to congressional prayers, why someone is missing in our midst as a colleague, friend, brother or sister even why someone is always late*
Be kind, always..
