Embrace your shadow

Embrace your shadow.

There's a flip side of this self-care coin too. You also need to acknowledge that your "mean brain"—the one whispering those abusive things all the time—is a part of you, too, and you can't just wish her away. When you try to ignore these parts of yourself, they only yell louder to try to get your attention.

So if you want to release the old stories you tell yourself, really let go of the ways you hold yourself back, you have to truly embrace the part of yourself that’s doing all the yelling. Think of her like she’s just a super scared little kid, too.

-Anonymous

Inspiring story of Abraham Lincoln

Are you hurt? Bad Day at work? Read this

On his first day in office as president,
When Abraham Lincoln entered to give his Inaugural speech,

One man stood up and said,
"Mr. Lincoln, you should not forget that your father used to make shoes for my family"

And the whole senate laughed, They thought they had made a fool of Lincoln.

Lincoln looked at the man directly in the eye and said,
“Sir, I know that my father used to make shoes for your family, and there will be many others here. Because he made shoes the way nobody else can, he was a creator. His shoes were not just shoes; he poured his whole soul into them. I want to ask you, have you any complaint? Because I know how to make shoes myself. If you have any complaint I can make you another pair of shoes. But as far as I know, nobody has ever complained about my father’s shoes. He was a genius, a great creator and I am proud of my father”.

The whole Senate was struck dumb. They could not understand what kind of man Abraham Lincoln was. He was proud because his father did his job so well that not even a single complaint had ever been heard.

Remember:
“No one can hurt you without your consent.”

“It is not what happens to us that hurts us. It is our response that hurts us. Be excellent at your work

Parenting- loving our children in a real way

Loving our children in a real way:

Loving my daughter comes so easily when
she wins a competition,
gets high marks,
listens to me,
keeps her room clean,
finishes her food,
pays attention while studying,
sleeps on time,
Never raises her voice and
practices dance/singing/drawing without me reminding her.

That's the  easy way to love....

However when I look back at my childhood I realize that the moments I really wanted love badly were when
I scored less marks,
failed in a competition,
couldn't fall asleep,
Didn't feel like studying,
Wanted to laze around,
Didn't finish the Tiffin,
Didn't complete homework,
Forgot an important assignment,
Fought with a friend,
Had a heartbreak,
Committed a mistake,
Felt guilty,
Felt lonely....

These were the moments when I needed my parents the most, I needed their assurance that it is okay to be human, to fall, to get hurt and what I wanted to listen in those moments was, "i know it hurts, but I'm here with you. Maybe we can't do anything about what happened, but I'm here with you. And I love you for what you are, always."

This is real and  unconditional way to love!
Yes I wanted to hear, "I love you" loud and clear....it was the only thing that could heal my heart. Love!

It's the moments when we lose control of ourselves that we want someone to hold us, isn't it? You don't need to be perfect....just be real!

Do you chose love the easy way or the real, unconditional way?

Today no matter what your child does, choose Love and see how it heals you as a parent.

Parenting thoughts by Thirukkural

All parents must read this******
*Tirukkural  by Tiruvalluvar (a Tamil  poet/writer) was written more than 5,000 yrs ago. It’s one of the ancient science on Human Behaviour, which has not changed in spite of modern education  & technology!*

*SOME GOLDEN THOUGHTS OF THIRUKKURAL:*

1. *If your child lies to you often, it is because you over-react too harshly to their inappropriate behaviour.*

2. *If your child is not taught to confide in you about their mistakes, you’ve lost them.*

3. *If your child had poor self-esteem, it is because you advice them more than you encourage them.*

4. *If your child does not stand up for themselves, it is because from a young age you have disciplined them regularly in public.*

5. *If your child takes things that do not belong to them, it is because when you buy them things, you don’t let them chose what they want.*

6. *If your child is cowardly, it is because you help them too quickly.*

7. *If your child does not respect other people’s feelings, it is because instead of speaking to your child, you order & command them.*
 
8. *If your child is too quick to anger, it is because you give too much attention to misbehaviour & you give little attention to good behaviour.*

9. *If your child is excessively jealous, it is because you only congratulate them when they successfully complete something & not when they improve at something even if they don’t successfully complete it*

10. *If your child intentionally disturbs you, it is because you are not physically affectionate enough.*

11. *If your child is openly defiant, it is because you openly threaten to do something but don’t follow through.*

12. *If your child is secretive, it is because they don’t trust that you won’t blow things out of proportion.*

13. *If your child talks back to you, it is because they watch you do it to others & think its normal behaviour.*

14. *If your child doesn’t listen to you but listens to others, it is because you are too quick to jump to conclusions*

15. *If your child rebels it is because they know you care more about what others think than what is right*

*Pls fwd this to Parents who care to read this!*
*IT MAY GUIDE OUR MODERN  PARENTING!*
*Positive Parenting!*

Stop Judging without knowledge...

An interesting read..
A girl by name Fatima went to school in the neighbouring village where she wasn't known well.
For three weeks, she came to school late and every time the teacher punished her.
On the fourth week, Fatima didn't attend school at all and many thought she had GIVEN UP on school due to the everyday punishment.
However, Fatima reported again on fifth week and this time she came earlier than everybody.
When the teacher came to class, Fatima was punished for not attending school the previous week but the teacher was also kind enough to commend her for coming early that day, stating that the punishments had finally yielded some results.
Just then, Fatima asked if she could say something and the teacher gave her permission.
She started:
*I've been raised up by a single mother without a brother or a sister. Five weeks ago, my mother fell ill and was hospitalized.
The three weeks I came late, I had to prepare something for her every morning and pass by the hospital to deliver the same.
Unfortunately, mother passed away last week and that's the reason I didn't come to school. We buried her last Friday."_*
*_"Today I came early since I didn't have to prepare anything or even pass by the hospital. And now that she is gone, I will always be here early''_*
As she sat down, no one in the whole class was able to hold their tears, the teacher was not spared either.
*Lesson:*
How many times do we judge others for things we know not..? We ask questions like;
- When will you get married
- When will you have kids?
- When will you find a job?
Etc.
Do we attempt to understand their situations or we just judge from the 'case scenarios' Some situations are not relative and what we think could be very far from the truth. Don't assume you know what others go through or that people move in the same pace or direction as you.. life is far from that..
* just be kind enough to love one another as God Has commanded, take time and kindly find out why your friend is not phoning, why your messages are not being replied promptly, why they are not coming to congressional prayers, why someone is missing in our midst as a colleague, friend, brother or sister even why someone is always late*
Be kind, always..

I won

"Unfamiliar voice" - a short story

After a long time, the wait is over

Yes, yes, he is here to talk with you... Her heart says.

She felt a lot of emotion in that single moment. She wants to cry,  she wants to get happy, she wants to dance. She feel like, she become alive again.

And the moment comes. She feels like, Is it really true, is she is listening his voice??
For a moment their is a silence. Than she listens his voice and her heart skips a beat.

Though she is little confused as the "tone is the same" but the voice is "unfamiliar". "Its same like the way, "He is unfamiliar with her emotions, which she has gone through, in her lonely moments."

With so many emotions and a shiver in her voice, she tries alot to handle herself.
She cant able to speak but she is desperate to listen, to the one she is craving for.

She wants to fight with him, she wants to cry while hugging him. She wants to ask so many questions with him which she guess, she will never going to ask with him.

The feeling of consciousness took over her. She try to speak but its like, she forgot all the vocabulary she had learned from her childhood .
She dont understand why this madness is their in her. Though, she has already prepared herself to be calm & quiet while talking with him, but all fails.

Is this is what we call, the excitement?? Or the madness?? Or to care for someone?? Her subconscious mind is thinking that.

Now, she tries to catch the rhythm and spoke. She is talking on all the stupid stuff, that really makes her feel like a teenager, who can do anything to stop the one she really care.

With lots of mixed emotions & questions, their comes the end of her unforgettable conversation. She dont know, will she ever be able to listen his "unfamiliar" voice again. But still she is happy.

Once again she left everything on her "destiny" and moved with the flow.

Written by
-dilwaalikudi

Feel free to mail me at
Journeyoffeelings@gmail.com

Like my insta page- journeyoffeelings_dilwaalikudi

Parenting..

Little Aditya, was in tears. He is an 8 year old boy. His Mom was shouting at him, as he has not completed his math homework, even after an hour. Aditya's parents are Ruchi, and Rishi. Both are working in MNC's. Ruchi took a career break of 5 years, to take care of Aditya. Now, she had joined her office again from a junior level, whereas all her friends have moved to the senior level. When Rishi, entered the home, Aditya was in tears, Ruchi was shouting at him. “What is 8 * 6, Adi, come on, I taught you tables twice yesterday, still you are unable to remember. What am I supposed to do? You remember all cartoon stories, but not one simple tables”.

Aditya tried to remember a lot, he couldn't remember anything, and he thought it may be 48, but he was scared to tell his mom, what if it is wrong, she will get upset. He thought to himself, “Mom, I will Improve”. He didn’t know how. He wanted to, he wanted to see his mother happy.

When, he was in the younger classes, He used to win, many prizes in different competitions. He and his mother were very happy. As he grew up, suddenly he felt he was pushed in a complex world, he couldn't grasp many things, and his fellow students could do. He went to meet doctors and counselors, his mother thought he was sick. He was not sure whether he was sick or not. May be he has a poor memory like his mom and teachers say. He was not able to make a decision. Tonight, his father has come early from the office. He was happy. He will rescue him.

Soon as his father, freshened up, he gave a hug to Aditya. To Aadi’s relief, he said with a huge smile, “Go and play”. He was happy, but he looked at his mother with wide eyes, and said slowly,” Dad, I didn’t complete my homework!” His father, replied, “I will do it, don’t worry.” Aadi, again gave a bear hug and ran outside to play with his friends. Ruchi was upset. She retorted angrily,”Will you go and write his exams too?”

After Aditya left, Rishi, hugged Ruchi, “Why are you so tensed dear. He will pick up, don't worry”. Ruchi was upset,” Do you think you love him more than, me, what is the point you want to prove? You never attend the Parent Teachers Meeting, I have to listen from teachers, and I need to face the other parents. You just don't need to face anything”.

Rishi kept quiet, “Ruchi, do you think, by shouting at him, things would improve. You thought, he may have some learning disabilities, but the psychologist proved there is nothing like that. All children are not same”.Ruchi replied back, “But I am spending so much time with him. I am always teaching him, each and everything, still what do you expect me to do?”

Rishi, smiled and said,” I expect you, not to expect anything from him. Don’t expect him to learn things faster, don’t expect him to be like you.” Ruchi retorted back angrily,” I am not expecting him to get first prize in everything like me, but at least he shouldn’t be so dull. Now he is 3 rd std and he is not sure about 5*5=25, how his life will be. All his friends, will reach a good position in life, what his life will become? I am so scared. Rishi, I put in so much hardwork on him, still why he is not getting marks?”

Rishi kept quiet. Ruchi, always wanted the best. She was always best in whatever she did, the fact she didn't understand is Aadi is the best child. He is very friendly with everyone, always tries to help others.He was hoping, Ruchi will find her answer soon.

After few days,his paternal aunt, Durga Bua, came to visit them. Her son has settled in US. She occasionally visits India,to visit her relatives. After many years, she has come to visit them. Ruchi loves Durga Bua, everyone loves her for her soft words and naïve nature. She was playing with Aadi and commented to Ruchi, “Aadi is a very good boy”. For which Ruchi, replied in a dull voice.” Hmmmm”.she sensed something wrong, but didn’t ask anything.

After Aadi left, she asked, “what happened Ruchi?”. Ruchi shared her worries with her aunt. She listened everything carefully. She went to the small garden which Ruchi maintains in her balcony, and said,” I observe you have a beautiful garden. How do you maintain them? Ruchi replied happily,” I take personal care,bua”. Her aunt said, “Why is this aloe Vera plant, shorter than others, is it a new plant, or you are not watering them properly?” Ruchi whispered, “No, aunt, I have planted it a year back. I take care of them properly, few plants grow faster and few takes time”.

Then, aunt asked, “What do you do then? Do you tell the shorter plant, daily, grow up, look at the other plants, otherwise your life would be of no use or you nurture them slowly that it takes time in growing and you still love them”.

Ruchi felt something snap in her. She looked at her aunt, with tears in her eyes.

Durga Bua, said,” There are 7 types of learning skills for a child, few learn by looking, few by hearing, few by explaining, few understand things by doing activities, and few learn by practically doing the same things again and again. A mother or teacher should try to teach a child, all the 7 methods, and then understand the child’s best learning language and teach accordingly. You can’t think. Your child is dull. Each and every child is unique and special. Can’t you see Aadi is trying everything to make you happy? He loves you so much. If you nurture him now, it is good for both of you. If he accepts, he is dull and turns to be a loser, what will you do?”

Ruchi shuddered by the thought,” Understand your child and help him to understand things. I know you are very busy and Rishi doesn’t help you. Still I am sure, once you are clear and support, Aadi, Rishi will try his level best to help you. Just try. It is always too soon to quit with your child.”

Ruchi kept quiet, deep in her thoughts. Durga bua knew, she will find a different family, when she visits them again.

Taken from some social website

Feel free to mail me at journeyoffeelings@gmail.com

Parent induced wastefulness

*PIW*
*Parent Induced Wastefulness*
_*(Don't) take it easy!*_

When parents strive to give their children the best of everything at an early age, they are sowing seeds for materially insatiable monsters that are prone to sloth, apathy, avarice and fear.

Don’t stand in self- defense as yet. I have proof.
As I sit in my counselor’s chair day after day I encounter an altogether a new disorder that I have come to label as- *Parent Induced Wastefulness* (PIW).

Here are a few examples:

* 26-year-old Manas does not want to finish his Engineering degree because he does not ‘feel like’ studying.
But he harasses his parents every day for money.
He tells me that whenever he did not feel like doing any particular activity, his parents told him he can quit.
They always said they did not want him to get ‘stressed’ like they were when growing up.

* 34-year-old Raghav is a qualified Engineer and is married for 2 years but his wife is not ready to live with him hence the counseling.
He is qualified alright but refuses to stick to any job as it makes him feel stressed!
Every two months he runs back home from work and wants his parents to solve his problem like they did every time he refused to go to school.

* 28 years old Anjali does not want to go back to her one-year-old marriage because it is too much for her to work in the office and then look after the household.
She wants her mother to come and live with her and do the household work.

There are many others...
but all originating in overzealous parents wanting to protect their children from even the smallest discomfort in childhood.
You love them alright, but when you shield them from the adversities of life, what you are doing is bringing them up in a sterile environment.
The result: the moment they are exposed to the world their immunity buckles up and they stand threadbare wanting to run away from everything that is anything but comfortable.

They have to live in this very world and away from you.
Do you really love them?
Or do you love yourself more?
If it is them, then you would ensure to make them future ready- let them face, talk to them, provide support, but let them face housework, studies, bullying and adversities.
Tell them money is limited and let them learn to hear a lot of ‘NO’.
That’s what makes them 'FUTURE READY'.

Spiritual Counselor

Things Child need to learn at an early ahe

Here is a list of things you need to teach your Child(ren) at early age:

1: Warn your Girl Child Never to sit on anyone's laps no matter the situation including uncles.

2: Avoid Getting Dressed in front of your child once he/she is 2 years old. Learn to excuse them or yourself.

3. Never allow any adult refer to your child as 'my wife' or 'my husband'

4. Whenever your child goes out to play with friends make sure you look for a way to find out what kind of play they do, because young people now sexually abuse themselves.

5. Never force your child to visit any adult he or she is not comfortable with and also be observant if your child becomes too fond of a particular adult.

6. Once a very lively child suddenly becomes withdrawn you may need to patiently ask lots of questions from your child.

7. Carefully educate your grown ups about the right values of sex . If you don't, the society will teach them the wrong values.

8: It is always advisable you go through any new Material like cartoons you just bought for them before they start seeing it themselves.

9. Ensure you activate parental controls on your cable networks and advice your friends especially those your child(ren) visit(s) often.

10. Teach your 3 year olds how to wash their private parts properly and warn them never to allow anyone touch those areas and that
includes you (remember, charity begins from home and with you).

11: Blacklist some materials/associates you think could threaten the sanity of your child (this includes music, movies and even friends and families).

12. Let your child(ren) understand the value of standing out of the
crowd.

13: Once your child complains about a particular person, don't keep quiet about it.

Take up the case and show them you can defend them.

Remember, we are either parents or parents-to-be.
and remember "THE PAIN LASTS A LIFETIME"

Kaun tuje yu pyar karega... <3

Tu aata hai seene mein
Jab jab saansein bharti hoon
Teri dil ki galiyon se
Main har roz guzarti hoon

Hawa ke jaise chalta hai tu
Main ret jaisi udti hoon
Kaun tujhe yun pyaar karega
Jaise main karti hoon

Meri nazar ka safar
Tujh pe hi aake ruke
Kehne ko baaki hai kya
Kehna tha jo keh chuki

meri nigahein hain teri nigahon ki
tujhe khabar kya be-khabar

Main tujhse hi chhup chhup kar
Teri aankhein padhti hoon
Kaun tujhe yun pyaar karega
Jaise main karti hoon

Tu jo mujhe aa mila
Sapne huye sirphire
Haathon mein aate nahin
Udte hain lamhe mere

Meri hansi tujhse
Meri khushi tujhse
Tujhe khabar kya beqadar

Jis din tujhko na dekhun
Pagal pagal phirti hoon
Kaun tujhe yoon pyaar karega
Jaise main karti hoon

English translation--

You come in my heart
Whenever I inhale
I pass through the lanes of your heart every day

You move like the wind,
I fly like sand
who'd ever love you,
like I do..

The journey of my sight
stops at you only.
Is there anything more to say,
Everything that had to be said is said

My eyes belong to your eyes,
what do you know, O unaware one.

Hidden from you, I secretly read your eyes,
who'd ever love you,
like I do..

when you came and met me,
my dreams went crazy.
I'm not able to hold them in my hands,
my moments now fly..

My laughter is because of you
My happiness is because of you
You are unaware, O careless one.

The day I don’t see you,
I roam like mad
who'd ever love you,
like I do..

Movie: MS Dhoni The Untold Story
Music: Amaal Mallik
Lyrics: Manoj Muntashir
Singer: Palak Muchhal
Music Label: T-Series

Never try 2 find urself in sm1's heart

Agar, aap kisi ke dil mein khud ko dhoondhane ki koshish karte hain,
Iska matalab hai ki aap vahaan kabhi maujood they hi nahi.

Veeparitata se,

Agar, aap apane dil mein kisi ko dhoondhane ki koshish karte hain,
Iska matalab hai ki vah vahaan kabhi maujood tha hi nahi

In english..

If, You try to find yourself in someone's heart, it means that you were never present there.

Vice versa

If you try to find someone in your heart,
It means that he was never present there.

- by me

Letter from husband

His Wife Left Him And Their Son After A Fight. Two Days Later, He Posts This Shocking Letter
No matter how much you love your spouse, arguing with them is pretty much inevitable — especially when you have kids.

When you both work hard to do what’s best for your family, the stress and frustration may become too much to bear.

So when this wife felt unappreciated by her husband, she got tired of fighting with him. She tearfully left him alone with the children without any sign that she’d come back. Just two days later, though, her husband decided to write her a letter about his feelings, and you need to see what it says.

“My darling,

Two nights ago, we had a huge argument. I was exhausted when I got home from work. It was 8:00 p.m and all I wanted to do was to lie down and watch the game.

You weren’t in a good mood, and you were clearly tired after having a long day. You were trying to put the baby to sleep as the other kids were fighting, and all I did was turn the volume up.

“Would it kill you to play a more active role in your children’s upbringing?” you asked, turning the television volume back down. “You can help out more around the house, too.”

“Hey,” I said defensively. “I work hard all day just so you could play in the doll’s house all day.” The argument just kept going like that. I said terrible things to you that I can never take back, and you screamed, saying that you were sick of it all. So you tearfully ran out of the house, leaving me to take care of the children on my own.

I was forced to feed the kids and put them to bed all by myself. When you didn’t come back the next day, I was forced to ask my boss if I could take a day off so I could take care of the children.

I experienced the crying and the tantrums. I experienced having to run around so much all day that I didn’t even have a chance to shower.

I experienced being forced to heat the milk, getting the kids dressed, and cleaning the kitchen all at once. I experienced being cooped up all day without speaking to an adult. I experienced the inability to sit calmly at the table to have a relaxed meal whenever I wanted, because I had to run after the kids.

I experienced feeling so physically and emotionally drained that I just wanted to sleep for 20 hours straight, but had to get up a few hours after falling asleep because the baby was crying. I lived two days and two nights the way that you do, and I think I get it now.

I get your exhaustion. I get that being a mother is all about sacrifice. I get that it is more tiring than being among corporate bigwigs for 10 hours and making economic decisions.

I get how frustrated you must be to have to sacrifice your job and financial freedom so that you can provide for your children. I get how uncertain you are about the fact that your economic security now depends on your partner and not just you. I get how hard it is to not be able to hang out with your friends, exercise, or get a good night’s sleep.

I get how challenging it is, being locked up and being forced to to watch the children while imagining what you must be missing in the outside world. I also get that you become upset when my mother criticizes how you choose to raise our children, because nobody in the world knows what is best for children like their own mother.

I get that being a mother means carrying society’s greatest burdens. Being the person that nobody appreciates, values, or remembers. I write you this letter not just to tell you that you are missed, but additionally because I don’t want to go another day without telling you: “You are strong, doing an excellent job, and I admire you.”

I did not expect that ending. It looks like he learned his lesson the hard way!

Taken from-
www.awesomequotes4u.com

Meri Aashique

Song: Meri Aashiqui
Movie: Aashiqui 2

Music: Mithoon, Jeet Ganguly
Lyrics: Irshad Kamil, Sandeep Nath
Label: T-Series
Singers: Arjit Singh & Palak Muchhal 

________________________________

Tu mujhe chhod jaaye yeh nahi ho sakta saathiya

Meri baaton mein tera zikr sada
Meri yaad mein teri fikra sada
Main jo bhi hoon tum hi to ho
Mujhe tum se mili apni adaa

Kyun ki tum hi ho, ab tum hi ho
Zindagi ab tum hi ho...
Chain bhi, mera dard bhi
Meri aashiqui ab tum hi ho

Tum hi ho, tum hi ho
Arz bhi, mera marz bhi...
Chain bhi, mera dard bhi
Meri aashiqui ab tum hi ho

Tere liye hi jiya main
Khud ko jo yun de diya hai
Teri wafaa ne mujhko sambhaala
Saare ghamo ko dil se nikaala
Main jo mit bhi gaya to wajood mera
Sada tujh mein rahe zinda... hmm...

Kyun ki tum hi ho, ab tum hi ho
Zindagi ab tum hi ho...
Chain bhi, mera dard bhi
Meri aashiqui ab tum hi ho

Tum hi ho, tum hi ho
Zindagi ab tum hi ho...
Chain bhi, mera dard bhi
Meri aashiqui ab tum hi ho

________________________________

- English Translation -

Your leaving me, my lover, is not possible

In my talks there's always a mention of You
In my memories, your worry is always there
I am what I am, it is because of You
From You only, I got my grace

Because it's only You, now it's only You
You're my life now
You're my peace, my pain also
You're my only love now

It's only You
My talks, my decisions (choices)
My peace, also my pain
You're my only love now

I lived for You only
I've given myself away in this way
Your faithfulness cared for me
It took away all the sadnesses from the heart
Even if I get eradicated, still my existence
Shall remain alive inside You forever

Because it's only You, now it's only You
You're my life now
You're my peace, my pain also
You're my only love now

It's only You
You're my life now
My peace, also my pain
You're my only love now

________________________________

This song is so near to my heart <3 &

(Commets are always welcome)

DISTANCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER :)

For a happy family, before & after him

Letter written by a wife after her husband's death in an accident
 

"Few things I learnt after my husband's death:-

We always believe we will live forever. Bad things always happen to others.

Only when things hit us bang on your head you realise... Life is so unpredictable....

My husband was an IT guy, All technical. And I am a chartered accountant.
Awesome combination you may think.

Techie guy so everything is on his laptop. His to do list. His e-bill and his bank statements in his email. He even maintained a folder which said IMPWDS wherein he stored all login id and passwords for all his online accounts. And even his laptop had a password. Techie guy so all the passwords were alpha-numeric with a special character not an easy one to crack. Office policy said passwords needed to be changed every 30 days. So every time I accessed his laptop I would realize it's a new password again. I would simply opt for asking him 'What's the latest password instead of taking the strain to memorize it.

You may think me being a Chartered Accountant would means everything is documented and filed properly. Alas many of my chartered accountant friends would agree that the precision we follow with our office documents and papers do not flow in to day to day home life. At office you have be epitome of Reliability / Competent / Diligent etc but. At home front there is always a tomorrow.

One fine morning my hubby expired in a bike accident on his way home from office.. He was just 33. His laptop with all his data crashed. Everything on his hard disk wiped off. No folder of IMPWDS to refer back to. His mobile with all the numbers on it was smashed. But that was just the beginning. I realised I had lot to learn.

9 years married to one of the best human beings with no kids just the two of us to fall back on but now I stood all alone and lost.

Being chartered accountant helped in more ways than one but it was not enough. I needed help. His saving bank accounts, his salary bank accounts had no nominee. On his insurance his mom was the nominee and it was almost 2 years back she had expired. But this was just a start. I didn't know the password to his email account where all his e-bill came. I didn't know which expenses he paid by standing instructions.

His office front too was not easy. His department had changed recently. I didn't know his reporting boss name to start with when had he last claimed his shift allowance, his mobile reimbursement.

The house we bought with all the excitement on a loan thought with our joint salary we could afford the EMI.  when the home loans guys suggested insurance on the loan, we decided the instead of paying the premium the difference in the EMI on account of the insurance could be used pay towards prepayment of the loan and get the tenure down. We never thought what we would do if we have to live on a single salary. So now there was huge EMI to look into .

I realised I was in for a long haul.

Road accident case. So everywhere I needed a Death certificate, FIR report, Post Mortem report. For everything there were forms running into pages indemnity bonds, notary, surety to stand up for you. No objections certificates from your co-heirs.

I learnt other than your house, your land, Your car, your bike are also your property. So what if you are the joint owner of the flat you don't become the owner just because your hubby is no more. So what if your hubby expired in the bike accident and you are the nominee but if the bike is in a repairable condition .you have to get the bike transferred in your name to claim the insurance. And that was again not easy. The bike or car cannot be transferred in your name without going through a set of legal documents. Getting a Succession Certificate is another battle all together.

Then came the time you realise now you have to start changing all the bills, assets in your name. Your gas connection, electricity meter, your own house, your car, your investments and all sundries. And then change all the nominations where your own investments are concerned. And again a start of a new set of paperwork.

To say I was shaken my whole life had just turned upside down was an understatement. You realise you don't have time to morn and grieve for the person with whom you spend the best years of your life. Because you are busy sorting all the paper work.

I realised then how much I took life for granted. I thought being a chartered accountant I am undergoing so many difficulties, what would have happened to someone who was house maker who wouldn't understand this legal hotchpotch.

A sweet friend then told me dear this was not an end, you have no kids, your assets will be for all who stand to claim. After my hubby's sudden death. I realised it was time I took life more seriously. I now needed to make a Will. I would have laughed if a few months back if he had asked me to make one. But now life had taken a twist.

Lessons learnt this hard way were meant to be shared. After all why should the people whom we love the most suffer after we are no more. Sorting some paperwork before we go will at least ease some of their grief.

1. Check all your nominations...
It's a usual practice to put a name (i.e in the first place if you have mentioned it) and royally forget about it. Most of us have named our parent as a nominee for investments, bank accounts opened before marriage. We have not changed the same even years after they are no longer there with us. Even your salary account usually has no nomination.. Kindly check all your Nominations.
- Bank Accounts
- Fixed Deposits, NSC
- Bank Lockers
- Demat Accounts
- Insurance (Life, Bike or Car or Property)
- Investments
- PF Pension Forms

2. Passwords..
We have passwords for practically everything. Email accounts, Bank accounts, even for the laptop you use. What happens when your next in kin cannot access any of these simply because they do not know your password... Put it down on a paper.

3. Investments.
Every year for tax purpose we do investments. Do we maintain a excel sheet about it. If so is it on the same laptop of which the password you had not shared. Where are those physical investments hard copy.

4. Will.
Make a Will. I know you will smile even I would had I not gone through all what I did. It would have made my life lot easier a lot less paperwork. I wouldn't had to provide an indemnity bond, get it motorised, ask surety to stand up, no objections certificates from others...

5. Liabilities.
When you take a loan say for your house or car. Check out on all the what if, what if I am not there tomorrow, what if I loose my job. Will the EMI still be within my range. If not get an insurance on the loan. The people left behind will not have to worry on something as basic as their own house.

My battles have just begun... But let us at least try and make few changes so that our loved ones would not suffer after we go. We do not know what will happen in the future. But as the Scout motto goes: Be prepared "

NEVER TAKE LIFE FOR GRANTED DO THINGS APPROPRIATE FOR THE ONES WHO DEPEND ON YOU WITH LOVE.

NOTE: THIS IS A REAL INCIDENT AND NOT JUST A FORWARD

Please read at least 3 times. we are spending lots of time on waste like TV serials, Movies etc. Please spare 15 Min. for your loved one.

Excellent message.

Family management is not only cooking + cleaning + taking care of the dependents but also involves complex operational knowledge of finances...
The above message is a must for every family and its success

- feel like sharing this article
Hope ur family always remain happy

The kids are not alright

Anshu Bhojnagarwala
BLOGGER

A few weeks ago, I had attended a birthday party of my daughter’s friend. There they played a game, the age old ‘Passing the parcel’, however, what was different was the way it was played. The child who was caught with the parcel when the music stopped was asked to leave the circle, but with that parcel as the gift, and then a new parcel was introduced. The game continued till every child got a gift. I asked the mother what was wrong with the earlier version, the version we had all grown up with.
She said – “I do not like kids to be disappointed. See, here every child is happy as he or she gets to take a gift home.”

In another instance, I was in the park with my daughter. She was playing lock and key with her friends. Now, one of her friends fell down. Her mother, who was on the other side of the park ran to his son, all confused and upset. She scooped her son in her lap and started inquiring – “Are you hurt? Let me see! Do no cry! Shush, mama is here.”
The child, had a scraped knee, who was perfectly OK till then, started crying earnestly.

I was at a friend’s home for lunch. Her 5-year old daughter refused to eat what was cooked for lunch. My friends felt so guilty that her daughter would go hungry, that she cooked up her favourite pasta immediately. According to her, it was not the first time this had happened.

At the School Sports Day, there are no races, no competition. No first, second or runner ups. Because, everyone is equal, there should be no competition between the kids.

Kids today have a room full of toys and games. Some they ask, some they do not. But, they still get them.

Everything in excess is the new mantra of life.
Our parents taught us self-reliance, while we hover around our children and want to protect them at all costs. We like to hold our babies closer to the protection of the nest. We go out of our way and rustle up something when they don’t eat what’s cooked at home for everyone else, because we don’t them to sleep hungry. Instead of letting them play outside, we organize activities for them. We do their homework and their assignments. We even resolve their conflicts for them.

It makes me wonder, what will happen to these kids when they grow up?

Will they get a gift everytime they fail? Will they be able to handle disappointment? A child who has never been denied anything, how will he cope with rejections? There are a growing number of cases when kids run away from home or commit suicide because they are not able to deal with low marks in examinations or when they fail to secure an admission in an institution of their choice.

Will their parents keep them hidden in their bosom all their life? Our mothers never ran after us, a scraped knee was just that. She would ask us to wash it with some water and then forget about it. But, there was no drama that followed. Falling and hurting was a part of daily life for us. We cycled, climbed up trees and jumped from the stairs. Today, kids travel in elevators and escalators (because they might fall down the stairs and get themselves hurt). Earlier, kids walked and cycled. I hardly see kids walking nowadays, unless it’s for a kids’ marathon and they are required to pose for selfies with their cool mommies. I never see kids climbing up the monkey bars, do you?

Will they shy away from competition or be able to survive it? OK, so we can accompany our kids till the college gate and sit in the waiting area while they appear for a job interview. In one-child China, parents have been known to put up tents outside their college kids’ dorms. This is an invisible umbilical cord we are just not ready to cut. And, what happens after that? A
child who is never used to losing – how will he survive in the big bad world?

We are raising our kids to be adult babies.
So what should we do?
Stop telling our children that they are special all the time. They are not, at least not always. So reserve the praises for the times when they actually deserve.
Stop going out of the way to create happiness in their life. The life is a mix of joys and sorrows, and it is for a reason. We have no right to interfere with the nature. So let’s stop pretending that everything is all right when it’s not. Let the kids have their fair share of disappointments at an early age. It’s better to fall at 10, than at 40.

Taken from
Anshu Bhojnagarwala
BLOGGER

( I read it on some social app, where these name is given)

Thoughts by seeing the picture

At a certain moment we were fallen between the cracks. We are sp captivated by our thoughts that we just see everything negatively.

N we think everything is over. We feel same the way the picture is looking.

Lets try another perspective....

(My inner voice, having conversation with me)

Hey you... I m ur soul,
R u listening?
I know you're upset and wants to cry loud., Lets cry and shout together.
Be negative as much as you want, i wont stop you. After all we are all humans, WE CANT STOP FEELINGS. SO, here i m, i wont say that your scars will be healed, but i will say its good to have that... What you think??

See, you looking up, not down, because you still have the zeal to go up. I know you, you can quit for sometime but to the next moment you will again stand with the new strength,  which is indeed more than before.

I love when you're totally absent, and become silent, because i feel you find yourself more. You able to understand your strengths, your weakness and than, than next time you know when to stop,

Hey fighter,

again look up by breaking your NEGATIVE WALLS. Their is a new sky waiting for you. And we both know (you & me) that you have more strength than others or you yourself think.

And lastly... Listen, i wanna wishper something ;)
You are becoming more adorable and beautiful with your scars.

Always in love with you.
YOUR SOUL

-BY ME
(Picture took frm the lettrs)

Be like a MAD, And sensible too..

Have you ever seen a mad person? Of Course we all did....

Tell me what strikes in your mind when you see them??

Some tries to avoid them, some sees them with lots of interest, some laugh at them, and some even tries to make fun of them.

By all this... Have you ever checked that, the person to whom we, the "sensible" or "wise" persons, calling "insane" or "mad", have he ever reacted on all that?? Did it make any difference to him??? I think NO, it didn't.

May be some mad person behave arrogantly or laughed if someone try to make fun of them. But did that make any difference to you??
No, You left that person and don't mind about the things he told. Why???
The answer is so simple BECAUSE HE IS MAD.

On both the conditions (weather it is mad person or you) have you learnt something???

Firstly, why cant we behave like a mad person, and just laugh on the world madly, the way they laugh on us. Why we worry so much about the world? Why we react when they try to provoke us.
Why cant we just behave like a Mad, when they try to make fun or try to make us arrogant in any way.
Why we take all the bad words of them?
Just be MAD when it comes to us. When its all about our dreams, our aims.

And secondly, don't react when someone talk INSANE, or get MAD about you. Its a best way to answer any person who wants you to react on his madness. ISN'T IT ?? ;) :P

I guess if we understand when to become like INSANE and when to behave like a SENSIBLE person...,

Its easy to deal with with the world. ;)

- by me

Dont listen others... JUST DO UR BEST

Its a common saying that, when you want to become something look people who has succeeded in that stream so that they can inspire you...
and when you're sad or going through some problems look the person whose situation is more worse...

What you think is the both statement is right??

Isn't it biased???

Why cant we just see ourselves in every matter. Whether it is our aim or the struggle, or the problems we are facing.

Why we always wants to look others ?
If this is the way, than compare each and every thing, why only the situations? Compare  that person by the way he's being brought up from childhood. Compare the atmosphere, the schooling, the friends, the situations every damn thing.

Why people just wants to compare the particular situation.

On the other hand we have read one more statement that,
For knowing the situation of the person you have to walk in his shoes.

Than why people can't see the situation the person going through? Why they come and console in a way that look them, your situation is far more better. Why the hell, this comparison?

And to the extreme when someone got succeed, you are lucky. Because so many have talents but didn't have the luck.

I feel every person has his own problems and the way of dealing with them. And every person has their own story of success and struggle. Its good to get inspired by someone. But never compare it by yours. Their situation may be good or worst compared to you. But that was their not yours. And it goes vice versa.

JUST DO YOUR BEST and dont regret later, because you did your best

- by me

Fight with your emotions

Its OK chill...

We all know inside , that we can fight with our emotions.
Weather its a matter of our relationship, the feelings, the anger or the situation we are going through.
Its just a matter of moment. Let that pass. Wait till than...
Yeah,  I know sometimes its hard to deal with the feelings, special when we love someone or something... Its hard to LET GO .

And its funny that when we try to forgot someone, after that we remember them more.

The problem is we don't want to accept that we are missing someone. Well, their is nothing wrong in missing someone. ACCEPT IT (at least don't lie to yourself). Than the things will move more smoothly. This way you move a step ahead on the process of dealing with your feelings.

-By me

Aahista chal aye zindagi..

Aahista chal aye zindagi....
Kuch halat sambhalna baaki hai....
Kuch jeena baaki hai...
Thoda hasna abi baaki hai...

Tere saath chalna kab hua mera...
Abi kuch shaame,
Tere saath jeena abi baaki hai...

Aahista chal aaee zindagi...
Kuch saase khud ke liye abi jeena baaki hai... ;
Karj toh bahutoo ke hai, Jo kabi poore naa honge ...
Bas unn logo ke hoto pe muskaan laana abi baaki hai...

Aahista chal aaee zindagi...
Abi tera jashn manaana baki hai...

Kehte hai dard naa ho toh, Khushi ki kimat na samajh aati hai...
Bas uss khushi ke liye jeena abi baaki hai...

Aahista chal aye zindagi...
Abi tere bahut karz utarna baaki hai...

Written by me..

When I'm Gone ( a letter to the son from his father )

’When I’m Gone’: This Man Gave Advice to His Son Which Lasted a Lifetime

We found a truly touching story written by Rafael Zoehler and thought we’d share it with you:

’Death is always a surprise. No one expects it. Not even terminal patients think they are going to die in a day or two. In a week, maybe. But only when this particular week is the next week.
We are never ready. It is never the right time. By the time it comes, you will not have done all the things that we wanted to. The end always comes as a surprise, and it’s a tearful moment for widows and a bore for the children who don’t really understand what a funeral is (thank God).
It was no different with my father. In fact, his death was even more unexpected. He was gone at age 27. The same age that claimed the lives of several famous musicians. He was young. Way too young. My father was not a musician and neither a famous person. Cancer doesn’t pick its victims. He was gone when I was young, and I learned what a funeral was because of him. I was 8 and half, old enough to miss him for a lifetime. Had he died before, I wouldn’t have memories. I would feel no pain. But I wouldn’t have a father in my life. And I had a father.
I had a father who was both firm and fun. Someone who would tell a joke before grounding me. That way, I wouldn’t feel so bad. Someone who kissed me on the forehead before I went to sleep. A habit which I passed on to my children. Someone who forced me to support the same football team he supported, and who explained things better than my mother. A father like that is someone to be missed.
He never told me he was going to die. Even when he was lying on a hospital bed with tubes all over him, he didn’t say a word. My father made plans for the next year even though he knew he wouldn’t be around in the next month. Next year, we would go fishing, we would travel, we would visit places we’ve never been. Next year would be an amazing year. We lived the same dream.
I believe — actually I’m sure — he thought this should bring luck. He was a superstitious man. Thinking about the future was the way he found to keep hope alive. The bastard made me laugh until the very end. He knew about it. He didn’t tell me. He didn’t see me crying.
And suddenly, the next year was over before it even started.
My mother picked me up at school and we went to the hospital. The doctor told the news with all the sensitivity that doctors lose over the years. My mother cried. She did have a tiny bit of hope. As I said before, everyone does. I felt the blow. What does it mean? Wasn’t it just a regular disease, the kind of disease doctors heal with a shot? I hated you, dad. I felt betrayed. I screamed with anger in the hospital, until I realized my father was not around to ground me. I cried.
Then, my father was once again a father to me. With a shoebox under her arm, a nurse came by to comfort me. The box was full of sealed envelopes, with sentences where the address should be. I couldn’t understand exactly what was going on. The nurse then handed me a letter. The only letter that was out of the box.

"Your dad asked me to give you this letter. He spent the whole week writing these, and he wants you read it. Be strong." the nurse said, holding me.
The envelope read ’When I’m gone’. I opened it.
Son,
If you’re reading this, I’m dead. I’m sorry. I knew I was going to die.
I didn’t want to tell you what was going to happen, I didn’t want to see you crying. Well, it looks like I’ve made it. I think that a man who’s about to die has the right to act a little bit selfish.
Well, as you can see, I still have a lot to teach you. After all, you don’t know crap about anything. So I wrote these letters for you. You must not open them before the right moment, OK? This is our deal.
I love you. Take care of your mom. You’re the man of the house now.
Love, dad.
He made me stop crying with his bad handwriting. Printing was not easy back then. His ugly writing, which I barely understood, made me feel calm. It made me smile. That’s how my father did things. Like the joke before the grounding.
That box became the most important thing in the world for me. I told my mother not to open it. Those letters were mine and no one else could read them. I knew all the life moments written on the envelopes by heart. But it took a while for these moments to happen. And I forgot about it.
Seven years later, after we moved to a new place, I had no idea where I put the box. I couldn’t remember it. And when we don’t remember something, we usually don’t care about it. If something goes lost in your memory, It doesn’t mean you lost it. It simply doesn’t exist anymore. It’s like change in the pockets of your trousers.
And so it happened. My teenage years and my mother’s new boyfriend triggered what my father had anticipated a long time before. My mother had several boyfriends, and I always understood it. She never married again. I don’t know why, but I like to believe that my father had been the love of her life. This boyfriend, however, was worthless. I thought she was humiliating herself by dating him. He had no respect for her. She deserved something a lot better than a guy she met at a bar.
I still remember the slap she gave me after I pronounced the word "bar". I’ll admit that I deserved it. I learned that over the years. At the time, when my skin was still burning from the slap, I remembered the box and the letters. I remembered a specific letter, which read ’When you have the worst fight ever with your mom.’
I ransacked my bedroom looking for it, which earned me another slap in the face. I found the box inside a suitcase lying on top of the wardrobe. The limbo. I looked through the letters, and realized that I had forgotten to open ’When you have your first kiss’. I hated myself for doing that, and I decided that would be the next letter I’d open. ’When you lose your virginty’ came right next in the pack, a letter I was hoping to open really soon. Eventually I found what I was looking for.
Now apologize to her.
I don’t know why you’re fighting and I don’t know who’s right. But I know your mother. So a humble apology is the best way to get over this. I’m talking about a down-on-your-knees apology.
She’s your mother, kid. She loves you more than anything in this world. Do you know that she went through natural birth because someone told her that it would be the best for you? Have you ever seen a woman giving birth? Do you need a bigger proof of love than that?
Apologize. She’ll forgive you.

My father was not a great writer, he was just a bank clerk. But his words had a great impact on me. They were words that carried more wisdom than all of my 15 years of age at the time. (That wasn’t very hard to achieve, though).
I rushed to my mother’s room and opened the door. I was crying when she turned her head to look me in the eyes. She was also crying. I don’t remember what she yelled at me. Probably something like "What do you want?" What I do remember is that I walked towards her holding the letter my father wrote. I held her in my arms, while my hands crumpled the old paper. She hugged me, and we both stood in silence.
My father’s letter made her laugh a few minutes later. We made peace and talked a little about him. She told me about some of his most eccentric habits, such as eating salami with strawberries. Somehow, I felt he was sitting right next to us. Me, my mother and a piece of my father, a piece he left for us, on a piece of paper. It felt good.
It didn’t take long before I read ’When you lose your virginty’:
Congratulations, son.
Don’t worry, it gets better with time. It always sucks the first time. Mine happened with an ugly woman...who was also a prostitute.
My biggest fear is that you’d ask your mother what virginity is after reading what’s on the letter.
My father followed me through my entire life. He was with me, even though he was not near me. His words did what no one else could: they gave me strength to overcome countless challenging moments in my life. He would always find a way to put a smile on my face when things looked grim, or clear my mind during those angry moments.
’When you get married’ made me feel very emotional. But not so much as ’When you become a father’.
Now you’ll understand what real love is, son. You’ll realize how much you love her, but real love is something you’ll feel for this little thing over there. I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl. I’m just a corpse, I’m not a fortune teller.
The most painful letter I read in my entire life was also the shortest letter my father wrote. While he wrote those four words, I believe he suffered just as much as I did living through that moment. It took a while, but eventually I had to open ’When your mother is gone’:
She is mine now.
A joke. A sad clown hiding his sadness with a smile on his makeup. It was the only letter that didn’t make me smile, but I could see the reason.
I always kept the deal I had made with my father. I never read letters before their time.
I would always wait for the next moment, the next letter. The next lesson my father would teach me. It’s amazing what a 27-year-old man can teach to an 85-year-old senior like me.
Now that I am lying on a hospital bed, with tubes in my nose and my throat thanks to this damn cancer, I run my fingers on the faded paper of the only letter I didn’t open. The sentence ’When your time comes’ is barely visible on the envelope.
I don’t want to open it. I’m scared. I don’t want to believe that my time is near. It’s a matter of hope, you know? No one believes they’re gonna die.
I take a deep breath, opening the envelope.
Hello, son. I hope you’re an old man now.
You know, this letter was the easiest to write, and the first I wrote. It was the letter that set me free from the pain of losing you. I think your mind becomes clearer when you’re this close to the end. It’s easier to talk about it.
In my last days here I thought about the life I had. I had a brief life, but a very happy one. I was your father and the husband of your mother. What else could I ask for? It gave me peace of mind. Now you do the same.
My advice for you: you don’t have to be afraid

Source
Illustrated by Astkhik Rakimova for BrightSide.me

Slow down mummy

Beautiful poem:

*Slow down mummy*

Slow down mummy, there is no need to rush,
slow down mummy, what is all the fuss?
Slow down mummy, make yourself a cup of tea.
Slow down mummy, come spend some time with me.

Slow down mummy, let's pull boots on for a walk,
let's kick at piles of leaves, and smile and laugh and talk.
Slow down mummy, you look ever so tired,
come sit and snuggle under the duvet and rest with me a while.

Slow down mummy, those dirty dishes can wait,
Slow down mummy, let's have some fun - bake a cake !
Slow down mummy, I know you work a lot,
but sometimes mummy, it's nice when you just stop.

Sit with us a minute,
and listen to our day,
spend a cherished moment,
because our childhood won't stay !

*To all the hard working and wonderful moms who are veritably God's Gift to Humanity !!!*